Failing NaNoWriMo

So NaNoWriMo starts up next month and I'm looking forward to failing. I'd like to be optimistic, but with a baby arriving in late November, I'm pretty much predestined for failure. Hell, last year I didn't make it through to the end because I couldn't hold off on downloading Skyrim. Based on what people have told me, I'm assuming having a baby will be slightly more involving than Skyrim. This makes sense to me since while Skyrim has better character options and plot, I'm thinking a baby will be more interactive and possibly in higher definition.

Looking forward to that sandwich. Over.

Despite this omen of doom hanging over my November, I'm looking forward to it. I found that last year I still enjoyed the ride even if I didn't reach the destination. You see, I tried to write a novel when I was younger and it was a thoroughly unpleasant experience where sudden jets of self doubt would send me rocketing out of the atmosphere to collide with asteroids composed of raw depression and self hatred, ceasing my momentum with concussive force and leaving me to fall back to Earth like Felix Baumgartner. And then I would have lunch.

I like NaNoWriMo since it takes a lot of the stress out of novel writing. You just write and write and you don't think too much. Let's face it, writers of fiction are, by nature, dreamers. This is great for plots and characters and such. It's not great when you start fantasizing about book tours and writer panels. Before you know it, you're an author who wrote a bestselling novel but failed to write a sophomore novel from near terminal writer's block and you're living in a trailer somewhere eating beans and trying to dodge creditors and editors and your own fraudulent self. And then you have dinner.

Knowing there are a quarter million other people doing this also helps me to put it in perspective. Doing it last year felt more like a game than work. If I play World of Warcraft, I'm not doing it to be the best and to "win" it. I'm doing it to have fun and to create something unique that I enjoy. That one guy playing WOW to be the absolute number one best? He probably has some issues to work through that don't involve quests.

To sum up, for the next month my NaNoWriMo motto will be this: To Fun and Failure!

Conan the Bohemian!

There are times where you realize that a career in counseling/social services has completely ruined your view of life. Today while watching the new Conan the Barbarian was one of those times.

(I guess technically there are spoilers ahead, but really, if I'm actually ruining the plot to a Conan movie then life is likely a continuous uninterrupted series of spoilers for you and you are either living in a constant state of dazed wonderment or extreme anxious bitterness. Either way, not my problem.)

RAAAAAAARRRRRGH!
I STILL FEEL EMPTY!... I need a hug

So Conan's quest in this movie, much like Inigo Montoya, is revenge. Some bad guy comes in, kills Conan's tribe and his father to obtain the mystical MacGuffin, then moves to the next phase of his evil plot. Conan then spends the next 20 years tracking this guy and his cronies down. Conan arrives just in time, kills the cronies, kills the big bad guy, and saves the world. Now most people would be all "Yay! Go good guy!", but instead here's what I'm thinking:

"Wow. He's lived his life with exactly one purpose and now that he has accomplished it, he is without a purpose for the first time in his life. He's probably facing a lot of existential angst in the coming year."

I picture Conan riding around after the final scene, taking on odd mercenary work, still killing and wenching, but his heart really isn't in it. He's too much of a man to admit he needs help though, so he just throws himself into his work even more so until he eventually becomes king of some country. Then he slips a disk swinging that massive sword around on the battlefield and can't fight, but he starts throwing massive hedonistic parties at the castle to compensate for his lack of anima.  Those don't fill the void either, though, so he sends everyone away and spends the nights sleeping and eating cold chicken in his empty throne room kind of like Daniel Day-Lewis does in his personal bowling alley at the end of "There Will be Blood".

I mean, who the hell thinks like that?!

Branching Out

I've been learning a lot this year with blogging. It's pretty fascinating to look back at my older posts and see how my style is developing even in such a short time. The development is uneven, a  two steps forward and one step back kind of thing, but very fun for me to observe. One thing I've learned is that, while I love writing about soccer, it gives a disjointed feel to this blog. The friends and family who read this blog enjoy my observations about life and becoming a dad, but tend to skip the soccer stuff.

Based on this, I've been trying to find other outlets for the soccer posts. I recently emailed Slide Rule Pass about contributing occasionally, got some encouraging feedback, and sent my most recent post to them instead of putting it here.

And he actually put the post up!

We'll see how I handle the feedback I get from a site with a much higher circulation than this little blog, but hopefully it'll build my confidence (At least for now I'm all smiles!). I'll continue to link to whatever I'm able to get published elsewhere and give you all a respite from the soccer articles here!

Thumbsucker!

Just thought I'd add this for all. It's the 3D ultrasound picture of the kiddo. Based on the movements of the kid when we watched the ultrasound, she is either chewing on her wrist or sucking on her thumb! The tech would bounce her around to get her to move her hand so she could get a clear shot of her only for the kid to move her hand right back there. 

We were both reluctant to get a 3D image since we both think they can turn out creepy, but this one turned out wonderful. I am, of course, biased but I think she's beautiful already.

A Sigh of Relief

What a week! H's mom moving down here, a baby shower, having most of our family in town for the shower, my birthday, plus a hospital tour have really worn us down. Despite this, H pointed out the other day that my demeanor towards everything has shifted recently to a much less stressed out guy. Since this has been brought to my attention, I've tried to pay more attention to the change and I've come to the conclusion that it's due to an increase in efficacy.

Since the shower, we finally have baby stuff. While the stuff is great, it's more about the fact that we can finally take action based on having the stuff that's important. For example, I spent my birthday putting together the "My Little Snug-a-Bunny Cradle n Swing" for the kiddo. The Snug-a-Bunny had a LOT of pieces, directions in three languages, and that frustrating thing that happens when it tells you to put things together but secretly the pieces have already BEEN put together causing you to waste time searching for the "missing" piece. Throw in the fact that the core mechanism designed to rock my fragile baby to sleep looks, in isolation, disturbingly like an outboard motor and you'd think I would be incredibly stressed.

I wasn't stressed though. Despite the setback of initially putting it together wrong, it was a very relaxing experience. I think this is because it felt like progress. Putting stuff together, taking stuff apart, and moving things around all to accommodate the upcoming child are all results oriented. I can SEE the place changing into a kid friendly environment. That brings a level of satisfaction and confidence I haven't been able to enjoy so far in this journey.

The end result is that I'm more optimistic about this kid entering our lives. Now she will have multiple places to sleep, to play, and to crap which will buy us time while we run ourselves ragged. And really, isn't that what all these things are actually about?