Cleo's Birth Part 3: Welcome to our World

A lot of guys say that after a pregnancy, your respect for your partner goes up through the roof, and I have to say I agree. H has never been a big one for discomfort and pain. When it comes to things like hiking or bike rides, H usually gets frustrated and quits when it comes time to "feel the burn", and I admit, I was worried about labor. There is no quitting or backing out when it comes to this and I was dreading what her reaction would be.

I didn't need to worry. She was magnificent.

There was an amazing toughness about her during this process and never once was there any of the crying or complaining I had secretly anticipated. Only steel resolve and strength. I don't think I've ever loved her more. (The downside for her is that when we go hiking or biking again, I know damn well how tough she really is and probably won't go so easy on her in the future!)

If the argument H and I had earlier in the night is one of the weaker moments in my life, I have to say that what comes next is one of the stronger ones for me. H was propped up in a way so that she could not see the monitors attached to her and Cleo. While I was holding her hand and looking into her eyes, coaching her in breathing and telling her how amazing she was, I was also able to see the monitors behind her.

And they were goddamn terrifying.

You see, Cleo had the cord wrapped around her neck. When H pushed, Cleo's heart rate would go down. Way down. Normal is 133 bpm. Cleo's heart rate would go down, down, down, to 30 bpm or lower (at one point, the sensors couldn't even detect a heartbeat for a few moments). Then it would struggle, wavering up, down, up and down and up again as it worked its way back up to 130 over the next few minutes. The docs had H skipping every other contraction due to this. They weren't saying anything concerning, but at one point a specialist was called in and I knew things were not right.

Watching that heart rate creep back up was terrifying, but H was looking right at me pushing past pain I couldn't comprehend with so much effort and courage! I couldn't let her see me freaking out about it. My only goal during this time was to make sure H felt supported and that she remained blissfully ignorant of how bad things were behind her.

To complicate matters, they put an oxygen mask on H to give Cleo help with recovery.  However, H was in a world of near aneurysm inducing pain and exertion where she wasn't completely rational. She didn't fully understand why the mask was on her and the pain and the effort of pushing would cause her to rip off the oxygen mask (H said it made her feel claustrophobic). After she was done pushing, I had to gently (sometimes firmly) place the mask back on H with her glaring at me as if I were a hooded torturer, all the while trying to remind myself to breathe as Cleo's little heart wavered back up to normal.

Two hours of this.

Then came the moment of truth. H would have one big push and the docs would have the opportunity to get the cord out of the way.

And suddenly there she was. My little girl's grimacing face, out in the world. Thankfully the docs moved quick, and the cord was off from around her neck. A few more pushes and she was free.

There was a partial cry. Then a few moments... and a full cry! With a squeak at the end of it when she sucked in breath! H was visibly overwhelmed with astonishment, saying "Oh my god!" over and over again as they put Cleo in her arms, tearful and and amazed. I cried. A lot. More than I ever have in my adult life.

Thankfully, despite the incident with the cord, she was completely healthy (Apgar of 9). I'm not sure about H, but due to the kidney issue, I was worried there could be more wrong with Cleo, and I was able to breathe easily now that I finally saw her and doctors pronounced her perfectly healthy.

And with a shaky hand, I cut the cord.

They whisked the little one off to the sink to wash her. Her cry and squeak continued, and I witnessed the act that will likely be my downfall in the years coming when I discipline her: her lower lip trembling as she cried. I still tear up thinking about that.

After the bath, I held her for the first time. I haven't held many babies in my life, and it was extremely awkward, but it was also amazing! I had never really wanted children until recently and was completely unprepared for the amount of love I felt. I thought I would grow to love her, but instead, it slammed into me, catching me completely off guard with its own uniqueness.

The sudden love for your child is a hard love to describe, but since this is a geek AND dad blog,  I'll try using the medium of Doctor Who.

In season 5 of the new series, Amy Pond has the memory of Rory, the love of her life, erased from her mind shortly after he dies. For the most part, she just continues on with her adventures with The Doctor, only occasionally feeling that there is something wrong with her life. But when  Rory is brought back to her and her memory comes back, she cannot even comprehend how she could have forgotten him!

That's how it felt for me with Cleo. Once she was here, I suddenly understood that there was a gigantic hole in my life that I had never, ever noticed before, but now that it was filled, I now can't imagine how I could have missed it for all these years!

A super geek comparison, but not really out of place. As I looked at her for the first time, alien eyes blinking and unused to light, lungs erratic as they begin to comprehend how to breathe a gas instead of a liquid, I was struck by how odd it is that something that is so incredibly ordinary about humans could be so sci fi! She is an amazing, life changing traveler from another reality that somehow always belonged in mine. And I cried again.

Welcome to our world my special little traveler! I promise I will do everything in my power to make your stay here the best it can be!