Book Babies

It's not often that I dwell on my age. My previous identity as one of the childless allowed me to exist in a state where I really didn't have to consider age too much (or I at least could passively deny that it was happening).

Not a horse

Life kind of crystallizes when you are in your mid to late twenties and rarely alters except for the odd life changing event. Otherwise, while you do grow and evolve over the years, it's more like a shift from a wild horse to a domesticated horse. It's only when you compare a horse to, say, a ficus, that you really get subjected to some eye opening realizations.

As I interact more with other parents I am now forced to cope with one such realization: That I went to high school with people who have GRANDCHILDREN older than Cleo.

This became apparent to me as Cleo and I went to Book Babies at our local library for our weekly adventure. Book Babies involves songs, a reading of a story, other kids, and toys. Cleo and I both had a blast, but it took some adapting that some of the younger (and yet more experienced) parents did not bat an eye at.

On our way to the library

First adaptation: Floor sitting.

Babies and families all sit on the floor together here. When I reflected on this later, I realized that I honestly could not recall the last time I sat directly on a  floor. I meditate, but I use a Zafu cushion for this. My life is full of chairs and cushions and benches. Throw in the fact that Cleo can't sit up by herself yet requiring me to awkwardly support her in a position where she can view everything and my back was freaking killing me. I also was quickly realizing that I am in for years of floor and tiny chair sitting. I'm definitely budgeting for chiropractic care from this point on...

Second adaptation: Standing up.

With all the songs and activity involvement, there's a lot of stand up, sit down, stand up stuff going on. Standing up from the ground while carrying a kid shouldn't be too hard. Unfortunately, a lifetime of soccer playing gives you good cardio but bad joints. Standing instead required me to use a wall to support myself and some audible cracks and pops from my knees. After the group, the lady leading it mentioned, while giving me the flier with all of the song lyrics on it, that I can do as much or as little as I feel I can. My inner Primal Man was enraged by this and was screaming at me to pound my chest in response to this challenge and then urinate on the library to claim it as my territory, but thankfully I was able to just smile and say thanks.

Third adaptation: Singing.

I feel that, by a certain age, you've established your identity as someone who sings. These people then gravitate towards song based activities such as karaoke or chain gangs. The rest of us go on with our lives, not ignoring singing activities, but just not attending them in the same way that I don't go to rodeos or monster truck rallies. I do sing to Cleo. I sing while playing guitar or ukulele for her. I sing while I'm in the shower so that she doesn't feel like she is alone.

I don't, however, sing in public. Book babies requires the parents to sing fun little songs to the kids and I'm realizing that a lot of future kid activities will require me to sing in public. It takes me out of my comfort zone and honestly it wouldn't be so bad except for:

Fourth adaptation: The Microscope

This face helps me feel like I'm doing something right!

About halfway into this thing, I realized that I had never been out with Cleo with a group of strange parents and suddenly, I began to worry that I was being compared. Cleo was the youngest there so I had to prop her up while others were crawling and sitting. It was during feeding time, so I had to give her a bottle for a bit when she got fussy. I hadn't given her a bath today and there was some cradle cap going on in her hair that I suddenly felt very conscious about.

For the first time, I felt I was under the lens and being examined as a dad.

This required a deep breath and just faith that I wasn't doing the wrong things. I'm assuming that, like most things in life, coping with this will get better with time and practice. Until then I more or less have to fake that I feel comfortable. I plan on going  to Book Babies again in a few weeks with her, so I really hope that this comes around quick!