The Weighting Game

   

Recently, a guy on my team posted a video of us playing soccer. Now I thought I was about average as far as being out of shape when compared to the others on the team. The video speaks otherwise. My skill and even my hustle aren't really that far out of whack compared to my teammates.  I look, however, like a man stuffed into a sausage casing. My chest trap and clearance from defense around the 56 second mark is a good illustration of these points.

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Perspective is a painful thing. I think it was only a matter of hours afterward that I signed up for Weight Watchers. There is a reason that in the universe of Douglas Adams, the most terrifying from of execution is via the Total Perspective Vortex.  As follows:

The man who invented the Total Perspective Vortex did so basically in order to annoy his wife.
Trin Tragula — for that was his name — was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
And she would nag him incessantly about the utterly inordinate amount of time he spent staring out into space, or mulling over the mechanics of safety pins, or doing spectrographic analyses of pieces of fairy cake.
"Have some sense of proportion!" she would say, sometimes as often as thirty-eight times in a single day.
And so he built the Total Perspective Vortex — just to show her.
And into one end he plugged the whole of reality as extrapolated from a piece of fairy cake, and into the other end he plugged his wife: so that when he turned it on she saw in one instant the whole infinity of creation and herself in relation to it.
To Trin Tragula's horror, the shock completely annihilated her brain; but to his satisfaction he realized that he had proved conclusively that if life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.

Douglas Adams from "Restaurant at the End of the Universe" 

Now that awareness has been bestowed upon me and my brain unmelted, I had to take some action. There are a lot of pros about Weight Watchers that lured me into signing up.  The points system is appealing and technology has come a long way so that you can do most of it on your iPhone.

However, while they have tried to change their image, one thing is apparent when you walk through the door: This is a woman's world. Pictures of happy, slim women on pink excersie balls, on pink yoga mats, and outside in the sunshine maniacally laughing off their hunger pains abound.

Quick which is Woman's World and which is Weight Watchers?

I've done Weight Watchers before, but it was with H.  Since she's pregnant, I'm on my own here. While there are a few other guys in the room, all are there with their female sponsor. You really can't look to them for help since they are already clutching their xx chromosome life preserver as is. So you go it alone and your companion is the YouTube video of you waddling around the pitch as your support.  Thankfully, that's pretty motivating!