The (Over) Expectant Father

The actual book

So I'll start this out by saying "The Expectant Father" is an amazing book. I've gotten two copies, one from my mother-in-law and one from a good friend, but instead of getting rid of one copy, I keep one copy at work and one at home. That's how much I like this book. Great, down to earth information and each chapter starts off detailing what's going on with the mom's body, the mom's emotions, the baby's development, and likely the dad. It really is great.


That said, this thing is also completely terrifying for me right now. Not because of any content (well the section on Cesareans is pretty freaking terrifying, but anyone who's seen Prometheus knows that), but more so because of how few chapters are left. I crack open the book and read for a bit, but suddenly every sentence in the book changes into "You are not prepared for this!".

How this book feels right now

You see we're having the baby shower next week. We're both looking forward to it, but it also means that we currently have nothing babyish in the home. A friend of H who is also pregnant currently has a nursery with tons of stuff in it and apparently the dad painted a freaking anime cartoon mural on the wall. We have a bassinet in the corner filled with baby books. Not because we don't want stuff, but mostly that we just don't know what stuff to get yet. Currently our apartment looks suspiciously like the apartment of two people who are in denial of the fact they are having a kid.

Ewok Air Force:
Protecting the Gene Pool

What this really means, though, is that H and I are in a holding pattern. A gentle holding pattern akin to floating on the breeze with, say, a hang glider. Reading stuff about after the baby arrives takes me out of this nice little holding pattern and launches me into a goddamn WARZONE! Remember how the hang glider squadron's fared back in World War I? Of course you don't, because even the people back then recognized that they would get completely freaking SLAUGHTERED! The only Person stupid enough to think that hang glider combat is a good idea is George Lucas! I still don't understand why the Ewoks, a race of creatures that live in a freaking forest, would develop hang glider combat unless it was some sort of crazy Darwinian kind of logic where any Ewok who straps on a pair of wings and face plants into a redwood at about 100 feet in the air probably was no good for the species anyway.

I may never say this again, but I am really, really looking forward to the reassuring clutter of baby stuff. Freaking Ewoks.